Thoughts & Passions

The One Story I’ll Never Publish.

Here I am. Being open and honest again. This is becoming a bit of a habit.

This was sparked by a Twitter conversation with a lovely person.

I’m pretty sure that if you’re reading this you’re aware that my past is dark, full of abuse, including sexual abuse. You see where this is going don’t you?

A lot people agree that writing is a fantastic form of therapy. It allows you to work through things in a safe space, one you create and set up the rules and boundaries for. It also gives your subconscious a place to show you the things it’s been hiding. And believe me, my subconscious is like Mary Poppins bag! The stuff I had no idea that I’d repressed…

I have used writing in that way. I started writing erotica purely to help me work through the sexual abuse issues. I have written graphic rape scenes, I’ve written fluffy scenes, it was useful for the six months or so that I did it.

There is however a story lurking in my mind that I won’t write and I sure as hell won’t publish. The story of my recovery.

Why? You ask.

Because of a number of reasons.

First of all – I’m not ready to go on that emotional rollercoaster. I’m in a good place, I don’t want to delve back into that shit.

Secondly – Publishing it would open to up to a shit-ton of criticism. The story is paranormal romance, it gives me a little bit of space between the cold hard facts of what happened. It makes it a bit safer.

There’s a lot of criticism of paranormal romance as a genre. It’s quite often considered to be bottom-tier, poorly written, trite… you get the point. It’s not very well thought of by a lot of people. Yes it has many fans, but we’re talking about the criticism I’d receive here.

Then we have the actual story itself.

People get very touchy when it comes to writing/reading about rape, the recovery of, alpha-males, BDSM, and all of that stuff. There are some very strong opinions out there. I do not want to open myself up to tirades about how my lead male is abusive, about how the recovery is unrealistic, about how the BDSM is portrayed poorly and whatever else they manage to pick holes in. It’s my life. It’s my recovery. I don’t want complete strangers shredding my very personal path to where I am now.

Yes, I understand that writing that story could help a lot of people. I know that I could just not look at the reviews and turn off comments, but why? Why would I want to put myself through that? Why would I want to hand this to my editor and have him picking out plot-holes and having to explain that no, really…

The internet is not a safe place to discuss these things. Yes I have friends who’ll understand. I have supporters and cheerleaders, but there are far too many people who would take far too much glee in tearing me down.

I want to help people. I’ve shared what I can on here. I listen to all I can. But I have my limits, and publishing that story is beyond them.

Comments closed because I am not willing to discuss the overall views on Paranormal Romance, attitudes towards BDSM, rape, or anything else. 

Thank you to my friends, those who have and continue to support me.