It’s weird sitting here writing this post. On July 1st 2016 Infernal Ties went live. So much has happened in the last 12 months, it feels like a lifetime ago. (Yes I’m aware the actual anniversary isn’t for a few days, sshhhhh).
I’m not going to tell you that it’s been easy. It’s been damn hard. Juggling life, a country move, the publishing schedule, and everything else, has been hard. But I did it. By some miracle I did it well enough that I’m now a full-time LGBT+ Urban Fantasy author. I mean… fuck.
I talked the good talk. I had business plans, and marketing plans, and publishing plans, but I also had so much doubt and zero confidence or self-esteem. I didn’t think I was actually going to pull this off. I figured no one would like my writing, I wouldn’t make enough money, and I’d have to go and work in a call centre.
I had so many doubts. I curled up and wondered what the sweet blue fuck was I doing!? I have a damn learning disability that affects language, some days so severely I may as well be speaking my own language!! My anxiety and depression got the best of me at times. I was swamped and completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I had to do, the visa stuff, the taxes, the stuff for husband’s business. There was just so much of everything.
And yet…somehow, with thanks to a group of outstandingly amazing people, I’ve done it. I’m not a millionaire, I’m not a household name, but I am earning enough to cover most of our monthly bills (medical has gone up 150% since we moved to Ireland, it’s now double rent, and rent is 30% more than we were paying in Prague).
I’m not going to tell you that it’s all heart-eyes and puppies and candy corn kittens. It’s hard. I still have to wrangle two countries taxes. I still have to budget every penny and plan my marketing three months or more ahead. I still have times where I freeze because the anxiety of even opening Scrivener is paralysing where everything has built up and become too much. Hitting those deadlines, while keeping on top of everything else, is hard. And I plan on tightening those deadlines so I can get 5 books out next year, as opposed to the 4 it’ll be this year.
But you know what? Having readers contact me and thank me for the positive gay representation in Stolen Ink and the ace representation too, makes every tear shed and hair pulled out worth it. Knowing that I’ve made someone’s life a little happier, if even for a moment, is worth it. Knowing that I’ve been able to lighten my husband’s burden and make his life a little easier, is worth it.
I couldn’t have done any of this without my amazing husband, who’s been incredibly supportive. Or my dear editor who’s bent over backwards to help me. Or my twin, the incredible Mollie who’s the strongest most wonderful person I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. Or my BFF, my best friend and very own gay elf, Matty to bounce ideas off. Or my friends, Jen, and Jess, and Murphy, and many others. They’ve all helped me so much. They say this writing thing is a solitary endeavour, but I’d argue we’d never get a single word written if it weren’t for our support network. I can’t express my gratitude towards these fantastic, wonderful people and all they’ve given me over the last 12 months.
Here’s to many more years of publishing success. Many more tears of joy being shed. And many more happy readers.